Gentleman Code. A topic relevant to every man. Perhaps the behavioral norms of the past century are not as crucial to us today—especially in a world brimming with urbanized and technocratic ideals of the 21st century.
Gentleman Code.
Yet, as I skimmed through an old pocket guide, Martine’s Hand-Book of Etiquette, and Guide to True Politeness. I was astonished to find that the principles of gentlemanly conduct it describes remain entirely applicable to modern society.
Common Problem, the Foundations of Gentlemanly Conduct.
We seldom practice these fundamental rules of etiquette anymore. In fact, we may have even forgotten how to conduct ourselves properly in social settings.
So, let us revisit the true essence of gentlemanly behavior.
• Be modest in your choice of attire. Simplicity in clothing is always commendable, as it naturally inclines others to have a favorable impression of you.
• A modest man is rarely gossiped about or envied.
• Think like a genius but adjust your speech to match the company you keep.
• Be a great conversationalist and learn to listen, even when you’d rather not.
• If you wish to present yourself as a true gentleman, never wear the latest fashion fads. That is the privilege of dandies and jesters. However, this does not mean you should dress poorly—good taste and well-chosen attire are great advantages.
• Teach children proper table manners. Few things are as embarrassing as not knowing which utensil to use for each course.
• If attending a social event with your wife, never dance solely with her. A gentleman leads the first dance, then allows other men the opportunity to invite her.
Gentlemanly Conduct, Learn and Apply.
• At social events, gentlemen never abandon their ladies to chat with other men.
• When ascending stairs, a gentleman walks beside or ahead of a lady, never behind her.
• Smoking while accompanying a lady implies a questionable reputation for her.
• If introduced to a man of significantly higher social standing, never be the first to greet him upon a future encounter—wait for him to acknowledge you first.
• Never praise one lady’s virtues to another.
• Never ridicule others, whether they are present or not. People may laugh at your joke, but you will lose their respect.
• At social gatherings, do not isolate yourself by reading or handling personal matters (in modern terms—avoid being glued to your phone or tablet).
A brief but valuable glimpse into the principles of gentlemanly etiquette.
Let’s reflect on this wisdom:
Society is like a chain, composed of many links. Ensure that your link does not rust or gather dust. But that alone is not enough—you must earn respect in the eyes of others.
Earn Respect.
First, reflect on what you truly want in life. Do you seek recognition and esteem? Are you striving for success in doing what you love? Do you dream of happiness, health, and absolute independence?
One fundamental trait will help you achieve all these goals. What is it? The ability to earn respect from others in every aspect of life.
How to Earn Respect?
Focus on Number One—Yourself.
You are the unique individual who has much to accomplish. Of course, the thought of helping others and improving the world may come to mind—these are noble aspirations, but only if you can genuinely afford them.
Do not sacrifice your happiness and well-being. Being a martyr is the worst strategy for earning respect. If your actions show that you do not value yourself, others will not value or respect you either.
Focus your time and resources on yourself. Do what is best for you. And if you wish to help others, wonderful—but never at the expense of your own interests.
Have Standards.
Now that you are prioritizing yourself, you must determine what you want (or don’t want) in your life.
• Perhaps a friend constantly monopolizes your time.
• Maybe a client irritates you with trivial complaints.
• Or perhaps a colleague attempts to undermine you in the workplace.
Remember:
No one has the right to waste your time, drain your resources, or tarnish your reputation without your permission. You must set clear boundaries regarding what you will and will not tolerate.
Embrace Disagreements.
To uphold your standards and values, you must be prepared to disagree with others. Otherwise, you risk yielding to them, neglecting your own needs and interests.
You cannot earn respect by being a pushover.
Constructive disagreements are a natural part of life. Do not fear them. State your thoughts clearly and assertively, making it clear that you will not be swayed.
Moreover, disagreements can lead to greater understanding. Strive to comprehend opposing viewpoints—you may gain insights that benefit both sides. People respect those who stand their ground and defend their principles.
Make Decisions—Your Own Decisions.
One of the best ways to earn respect is to demonstrate leadership. The best leaders are decisive.
This applies beyond the workplace—whether among friends, acquaintances, colleagues, or family, people will respect you if you exhibit strong decision-making skills.
By confidently making choices, even in the face of opposition, you signal that you understand what you want and are unafraid to express it.
Even when others disagree with you, they will recognize your ability to make firm, well-founded decisions—a hallmark of a confident and respected individual.
Show Respect to Others.
Self-respect is vital, but so is treating others with dignity. You cannot demand respect if you are unwilling to give it.
Follow the timeless principle: “Treat others as you wish to be treated.”
• You wouldn’t want others to look down on you—so don’t be condescending.
• You wouldn’t want to be interrupted while speaking—so don’t interrupt others.
Earning respect from others starts with respecting them first. If you follow these principles, your life will noticeably improve. Always remember: Respect is the foundation of success and happiness.
Wise Words Every Gentleman Should Know.
Arthur Schopenhauer: “The similarity between a genius and a madman is that both live in a world completely different from everyone else. Every child is, to some extent, a genius, and every genius is, to some extent, a child.”
Immanuel Kant: “Genius is the ability to invent something that cannot be taught or learned.”
Mark Twain: “In twenty years, you will regret more the things you didn’t do than the things you did.”
Vince Lombardi: “The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength or knowledge, but rather a lack of will.”
Kelly Kim: “Success is about creating value for everyone and enjoying the process. If you focus on that and accept this idea, success will be yours.”
Wishing you a wonderful day!
