Etiquette. Am I the paragon of politeness, daring to write about and instruct others on this very topic? Certainly, I make mistakes, but that’s precisely why this article exists for all of us to collectively improve our conduct in various life situations.
I believe we all know the basics of what a polite person should be aware of.
It’s essential to understand and remember that modern etiquette comprises accepted rules of conduct that help you make a good impression on others and foster effective communication.
Etiquette, I believe, might even reveal something new to you.
Etiquette, Unspoken Rules of Social Interactions.
Let’s start with a common everyday scenario: visiting someone’s home. Remember that polite people don’t just show up unannounced.
A simple phone call or a message to inform them of your intention to visit is always appreciated. However, what if an unexpected guest arrives? How do you politely navigate this potentially awkward situation? I suggest a small theatrical performance.
The doorbell rings (you’re not expecting anyone). Here’s what I do: I grab my purse, put on my outdoor shoes, and in winter, perhaps even my coat.
Then I go to the door and open it. It’s advisable to inquire about the status of the person standing at the door. If the guest is welcome, I’ll say, “How lovely, I just arrived home… please come in.”
If it’s an unwelcome guest, I’ll regretfully say, “Oh dear, I’m terribly sorry, but I have to leave urgently.” I consider this a polite way to turn away an uninvited guest who arrives without warning.
Once a guest has been invited into your home, it’s considered impolite to ask them to remove their shoes. Guests should understand this without being told.
Everyday Etiquette.
Umbrellas, Restaurants, and Handbags.
Umbrella Etiquette: If it has been raining and you visit someone’s home, never leave your umbrella open to dry. It should be placed in its designated spot, closed. You can dry it in your own home.
Restaurant Manners.
If you’re having lunch with a business partner and you’ve invited them, you are responsible for paying the bill. When you say, “I invite you,” the person who uttered those words pays the bill.
If the phrase used is, “Shall we go to a restaurant?” and your partner agrees, then each person pays their own bill separately. The exception is if a man offers to pay for a woman’s bill. However, if he doesn’t, it doesn’t mean he’s impolite; quite the opposite. It means he respects you as a successful and independent woman.
Handbag Placement.
Women often carry handbags or purses. How should you properly place it when you sit down at a table in a cafe, restaurant, or other establishment?
A small women’s handbag can be placed on the table to the side, ensuring it’s not between you and the person sitting opposite. A larger bag should be hung on the back of your chair.
Never keep it on your lap. It’s also impolite to place your bag on an empty chair. A man’s briefcase should only be placed on the floor. In polite, reputable restaurants, an waiter may even offer you a special stool for your bag.
Plastic Bags and Carrying Items.
Cellophane, plastic, or company paper bags are solely for carrying items out of a store. In polite countries, regularly carrying your belongings in such bags is considered impolite, or at best, will earn you puzzled looks.
If you’re out for a walk with your male companion, never ask him to carry your women’s handbag or your spring coat if, for example, it gets warm. He should only do this if he’s taking these items to a cloakroom.
Personal Presentation and Accessorizing.
Home Attire: If your man is truly polite and possesses the demeanor of an English gentleman, then we women should observe our own etiquette regarding home attire.
Home clothing should be comfortable and neat, so you wouldn’t be ashamed to open the door to a guest at any moment. Robes and pajamas are meant for going from bed to the shower in the morning and from the shower to the bedroom in the evening. And nothing more!
Hats and Gloves. By the way, politeness also extends to hats. A woman may keep her hat and gloves on indoors, but this does not apply to caps or mittens.
Jewelry Etiquette.
According to accepted etiquette protocols, a woman should not wear more than 13 items of adornment, including precious stone buttons.
Rings are not worn over gloves, but an elegant bracelet is permissible even over gloves. Diamonds are generally acceptable for older and married ladies.
Young women can wear precious stones in the form of earrings, not exceeding 0.25 carats, ideally matched with a necklace. Three rings on one hand would be an appropriate number, but fewer would indicate even better taste. Your wedding ring is not counted.
Navigating Public Spaces.
Lifts, Cars, and Events.
Lift Etiquette: A man always enters a lift first. However, when exiting, the person closest to the lift doors exits first.
Car Etiquette.
For a woman, it is considered prestigious to sit behind the driver. The man should sit next to her, and when exiting, he should hold the car door open with one hand and assist the woman in exiting by taking her hand in his.
This is more applicable to taxis or if you have a hired chauffeur for a limousine. If by some miracle you have a limousine with a personal chauffeur (and congratulations on that!), and you are traveling alone, the chauffeur will open the door and help you exit.
There’s a nuance: if you prefer not to take his hand, that’s not impolite. He is trained, and if he senses you are not offering your hand, he will simply hold the door and gesture for you to exit. The same applies to men with personal chauffeurs.
If you don’t have a limousine with a personal chauffeur, you’ll have to make do with your own male companion.
Usually, he will be driving, and the recommended seat for you is behind him, though sitting next to him is also an option. In any case, he should open the car door and gallantly assist you in exiting.
However, if you are traveling with a business partner, etiquette does not require him to open the door for you. This demonstrates that he values you as a successful, independent woman, and your relationship is strictly professional, as business partnerships demand.
If he does open the car door, it means he values you more as a woman than a business partner. Sometimes this is good and pleasant, but in business, it can reflect poorly on you!
Formal Events.
At formal events, politeness dictates that you avoid discussions about politics, religion, health, or money. And under no circumstances should you exclaim, “Oh my God, what a dress!
How much did it cost?” If, however, a “blonde” (colloquial for someone lacking social graces) initiates such a dialogue with you, simply smile sweetly and say, “It was a gift,” then deftly change the subject.
The Power of Words.
Addressing Others and Avoiding Gossip.
“You” vs. “Thou” It is customary to address everyone over the age of 12 with “You”. It is very impolite to address a waiter, driver, or salesperson with (the informal “you”). In the office, colleagues should generally be addressed with “You.”
Only when conversing one-on-one can you switch to (the informal “you”) The exception is if you are peers or close friends. If, however, someone familiarly addresses you with (the informal “you”) simply ask, “Excuse me, are you speaking to me?”
If the dialogue continues with (the informal “you”) look around as if searching for someone, and after a brief pause, ask, “Excuse me, are you talking to me?” If that still doesn’t work, the only thing left is to directly say, “Excuse me, but we haven’t switched to the (the informal “you”).
Gossip.
Another important thing that is very common among women is “tongue-wagging” or, simply put, gossiping and backbiting.
Do not do this under any circumstances! It will reflect very negatively on you. Remember, talking negatively about your own man is even more unseemly.
There’s an old saying: “What goes around, comes around.” Similarly, it is unacceptable to speak of your homeland with disdain or ambiguity.
Cinema, Theatre, and Personal Secrets.
When going to the cinema, theatre, or a concert, remember that when taking your seats, you should always move with your face towards those who are already seated. And remember, the man always goes first.
There are certain things that are advisable to keep secret: your age, wealth, confessions, medications you use, love affairs, gifts, honor, and disgrace.
Jack Nicholson on the Rules of Good Manners.
Jack Nicholson famously said: “I’m very sensitive about the rules of good manners. How to hand a plate. Don’t shout from one room to another.
Don’t open a closed door without knocking. The purpose of all these countless simple rules is to make life better. We can’t live in a chronic state of war with our parents… that’s stupid.
I care a lot about my manners. It’s not some abstraction. This is the language of mutual respect that everyone understands.”
Treat others as you would like to be treated!
Have a good day, and may politeness be with you!
