Live for yourself. Whatever you say, I don’t see anything wrong with healthy selfishness. On the contrary, despite everything, I see only the good. A legitimate question arises, why?
What is the difference between a healthy selfishness and an unhealthy one?
Healthy selfishness is when you know how to take care of yourself and your needs, organize your life the way you like.
The important thing is to know how to ask for help when you need it, and at the same time be considerate of others.
Unhealthy selfishness is when you try to satisfy your needs at the expense of other people through manipulation, outright blackmail, violating other people’s ethical boundaries.
So, I have come to the conclusion that a whole lot of selfishness does not have a bad connotation. You are the most important person in your life and your needs should come first.
Live for yourself, right?
It often happens that people forget about it and start living for others. Live for parents, children, husband even girlfriend.
For your information, others are comfortable with such people, because it is very pleasant to be around them.
Why?
Quite simply, they adapt to other people’s needs so easily that they forget about their own!
This road leads to nowhere. If you don’t live your life, no one will.
Trying to please everyone around you, it is very easy to get lost in the maze of life and lose yourself completely.
Test yourself by answering “yes” or “no” to the statements I will write below.
1. I know my needs well and I know how to organize my life so that those needs are met.
2. I understand my limitations and know how to deal with them properly.
3. I have the right to my opinion on any matter.
4. I can ask for help and support, but I’m not offended if the other person can’t give it to me right now.
5. I consider other people’s interests, but I usually put my own interests first.
6. I have the right to be different from other people and these differences do not cause me discomfort.
7. I have the right to want, to achieve, to let go, to leave aside – in general to do anything with my life and the events that take place in it.
If you answered yes to most of the statements, congratulations, you know how to live for yourself.
If there are more “no” answers, this is an opportunity to think about whose life you are actually living.
Living for yourself, why is it so hard to just be yourself?
“Being yourself” is believed to be the universal method by which one can arrive at absolute freedom, happiness, equality and brotherhood.
Perhaps this is so, but the main question remains, how exactly should it be done?
“Be yourself” doesn’t have to equal “Change now”
Imagine you are going on a first date or an important job interview. You are worried, nervous, worried.
A friend or relative tells you: “Don’t worry, be yourself and everything will work out.”
But the trick is that right now you are a worried person. It turns out that you are offered to become not yourself, but someone else – not disturbing, a pillar of peace and self-confidence.
Adherents of the advice “be yourself” often forget that being yourself is not only about being charming, sweet, brave, smart, etc. It’s also insecure, confused, sad, worried, whatever.
What does it really mean to be yourself?
Being yourself means accepting yourself with all emotions (even the heavy ones), with all negations, tension, excitement. It means accepting yourself as you are right now.
Overweight or underweight, with a beautiful haircut or a bald head, in a crowd of friends and relatives or in global loneliness.
Living for yourself is key, don’t you agree?
Being yourself means being honest, not trying to portray someone you’re not, and finally accepting yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses.
Selfishness, to live for yourself, you have to try.
There is one important nuance to all of these “efforts” that usually eludes “just be you” advocates.
Here’s the nuance: in order to change for the better, you first need to really become yourself, get to know yourself, accept yourself, and only then set realistic goals.
Goals, where you want to get to and what you want to be there for.
A person who does not like to communicate with other people will not become a good sales manager. A girl who hates the kitchen, in its truest sense, will not become a cook.
Just like a young man without the right physical data will never win a gold medal in the Olympics.
In addition, as my friend says (I completely agree with her): you need to try to be selfish and develop your skills and abilities.
If anything, it’s hard to just be yourself: this phrase is often coded as “change immediately“, “be better”, “drop your emotions in favor of more suitable ones”, etc.
The more you try to “be yourself” (read – an improved version of yourself), the more effort you put into it, the faster you will turn into a good egoist for yourself.
Good day!
